Friday, October 21, 2011

The Me of Now and The She of Then

I often wish I could go back in time and speak to the girl I was at 16. She of then needed me of now. She of then could have benefited from my years of experience. She had no one to provide insight to her. Sure, she had people who cared about her that offered much pragmatic advice. She did not need pragmatic advice. She was different. Pragmatic advice would never do for her but she did not know that then.


When she was just a girl


She expected the world


But it flew away from her reach so


She ran away in her sleep


And dreamed of paradise every time she closed her eyes.~”Paradise” Coldplay

I dream of visiting her across the years and walking through the front door to find her listening to her music. Would she know who I was? I do not think she would. She would like me. I would love her. She would listen to me attentively. Even she in her wide-eyed innocence would grasp the weight of what I would share with her. She would know that it could save her. She of then wished for me of now but she did not know it was me of now that she was wishing for then.

When she was just a girl


She expected the world


But it flew away from her reach


And the bullets catch in her teeth


Life goes on, it gets so heavy


The wheel breaks the butterfly~ “Paradise” Coldplay


What would the me of now say to the she of then that could save her? What the me of now would have told her is different from what the me of 10 years ago would have said. The me of now would tell her if the me of now could have that it is understandable not to know what to do with your life at 16 because you do not know yourself then. Me of now would tell her that she will still not know herself at 30 or 40 or 50 even. She will never completely ever know herself. No one ever does. It is a mystery that cannot be known in this world but the important thing is to make your life beautiful and never, ever waste a single second on anything less because this could be paradise.


3 comments:

Linda Jacobs said...

This is a beautiful post, Cindy! Love the Coldplay lyrics. Did you see the segment on them last Sunday on Sunday Morning? As a writing assignment, I used to have my 16 and 17 year olds give their ten-year-old selves advice. Very interesting what they would come up with but a common theme was the same as your advice. Even as teenagers they instinctively knew that.

Lisa said...

Honestly, the days come at me so fast that I'm too focused on getting through today, having a backup plan for tomorrow and just trying to savor a bit of yesterday, that I don't have time to do much pondering of yesteryear. Lessons learned today can't do me any good in the past, they can only be applied to the future. As a side note I have also found that lessons learned by one person cannot usually help another--everybody seems to prefer making their own mistakes, but it is nice to occasionally steer someone clear of a potential hazard ahead.

Cindy said...

Linda, I do believe we are born knowning what we are meant to do. It takes a little uncovering at times but we all know.

Lisa, as a writer, I often have to delve deep into my inner self to study my characters and sometimes I run into myself in there which is funny because I often do not recognize 'her'. I often meet up with my young self and my old self. I too have found that giving advice to others is usually a waste of time as you said, they prefer their own experiences which is as it should be. After all, we can only relate to our own experiences.